masukomi (📚) reviewed Polysecure by Jessica Fern
Everyone - poly & mono - should read this
5 stars
I can't think of a person who wouldn't benefit from reading this, and the vast majority of the people in my life are monogamous. The only reason I'm not buying it for them is that they don't think of themselves as poly and thus would likely not read it.
Don't make that mistake. 99% of this book is useful for everyone in a relationship. Almost all of her advice about supporting your poly partners is completely applicable for a monogamous partner. The wee bit that's about supporting your partner's relations with others is almost all applicable to a monogamous partner's relationship with friends.
This is not a self help book. It's more like advice from a helpful therapist on how to think about your relationships with others, and what Attachment Theory can tell us about what your partners(s) may be struggling with, or how you can best leverage what they …
I can't think of a person who wouldn't benefit from reading this, and the vast majority of the people in my life are monogamous. The only reason I'm not buying it for them is that they don't think of themselves as poly and thus would likely not read it.
Don't make that mistake. 99% of this book is useful for everyone in a relationship. Almost all of her advice about supporting your poly partners is completely applicable for a monogamous partner. The wee bit that's about supporting your partner's relations with others is almost all applicable to a monogamous partner's relationship with friends.
This is not a self help book. It's more like advice from a helpful therapist on how to think about your relationships with others, and what Attachment Theory can tell us about what your partners(s) may be struggling with, or how you can best leverage what they have to offer you.
The chapters end with very practical / actionable questions for you to ask yourself and / or your partners that will help any relationship, even if you don't feel there's anything wrong with yours.
I love how Jessica points out to other resources, and how she stops to point out when certain types of relationship problems really need professional support.
🗒 I should note that the first section of the book is an overview of Attachment Theory. It's a bit dry and academic, but Attachment Theory is the foundational concept the rest of the book is based on. If you're already familiar with this you can skip it. If it's too dry for you, I'd recommend reading a quick overview of the different attachment styles online and then coming back and reading Jessica's more detailed info on the styles you and your partner(s) likely have.
👂 The audiobook is well done but the sound quality could be a little better because it's recorded by Jessica herself. On Audible - and presumably other platforms - the audiobook comes with a PDF version of the charts and such at no additional charge. You'll want this.
reviewer context: I'm poly, and have been in a couple poly relationships. I'm considering her advice through the filter of my lived experiences.